February 19, 1999

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Every so often I have to pay homage to the site that keeps Clickerama open, Stomp Tokyo. This week they wanted me to go out and find some fun new video review sites, and to take a close look at their links list to see which sites are still worth visiting. They also wanted me to stop scratching the furniture. Well, two out of three ain't bad. First up on the hit list is Jabootu's Bad Movie Dimension, which is without a doubt the most engrossing and mind-numbing set of movie reviews on the web -- if you have an attention span longer than your pinky finger. Originally Ken Begg's World of Bad Movies, the Dimension now features reviews by other authors and has a nifty new look. The down side to the frame-by-frame analysis of each film is that it takes a while for new reviews to pop up. When they do, however, it can take two or three days to work your way through each one. The best thing about these reviews is that they are always about bad movies, which makes them funnier and more interesting. Honestly, who wants to read ten thousand words about merely mediocre movies? Nearly the opposite of Jabootu in depth but with reviews still worth reading (death to capsule reviews!), MovieWhitney posts her reactions to the web in a journal-like fashion. Most of the reviews eschew plot synopses and are devoted to picking the movies apart from common-sense or emotional standpoints. Still, Whitney usually puts her finger on the important stuff, as in her review of Halloween, in which she says: "don't confuse "lack of gore" with "lack of being really darned scary" ‚ I made Chris lend me his Swiss Army Knife when I walked the 200 feet back to my apartment." The other bit that got me chuckling was her review of Close Encounters of the Third Kind ("What are the other two kinds?" she asks -- do yer research, Whitney), and her dressing-down of the way the film ends. As for the ending, when ol' Rick is welcomed into the spaceship by the happy little aliens, you gotta admit that's pretty frickin' selfish of him. What about his wife and kids? What're they supposed to do? Dad's out gallivanting across the universe, and Teri Garr's working for minimum wage in some restaurant somewhere. Nice ending, Mr. Spielberg. A while back one reader asked the guys at Stomp Tokyo to do something called "Bong Hit Theater," in which one would find recommendations of films to watch while, er -- chemically enhanced. The gents at ST demurred, claiming a lack of necessary experience. Besides, it looks like that gap has already been filled by the Video Bivouac and its section entitled "Fried Filmage." Most of the Bivouac's content is reprinted from See magazine out of Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, and the columns are usually film recommendations along a certain theme. Not exactly the most extensive reviews ever written, but fun in a cheeky sort of way. Steering back into cult movie territory, we now point our browsers to Liz's Essential Movie Reviews, alternately (and more amusingly) titled "And You Call Yourself a Scientist!" Liz cuts through a wide range of cult and science fiction films with a no-nonsense style: Plot synopsis first, commentary second. If a bit of conversation from the film gets lodged in her brain, she adds it to the collection of Immortal Dialogue for you to peruse. Liz can be pretty merciless when a film disappoints; her dissection of the movie Brainstorm is swift and severe. The injection of a joke or two might possibly improve these reviews, but the real problem lies in the lack of paragraph breaks. The text is dense and can be difficult to read at times. Otherwise, Liz's is a thoughtful site with a lot to offer. The final stop on our tour of video sites is the appropriately named Unknown Movies site. Keith, the site's proprietor, wants to review the movies you've never even heard of, much less laid eyes on, and so far he's doing pretty well. Lengthy, chatty reviews with an occasional sparkle of humor are the rule here: the fact that you'll never see In God's Hands doesn't ruin the enjoyment of reading Keith's complaints about it. One of the few sites on which reading the reviews is truly better than seeing the movies themselves. Don't forget to check out the archives for older editions of Clickerama. Next update: March 5 This page is for entertainment purposes only, and Otis is not responsible for the content of the sites presented here. Copyright 1999 by Chris Holland. Do not take internally. Your mileage may vary.